Thursday, December 17, 2009


1. the normal, nonwarring condition of a nation, group of nations, or the world.
2. often initial capital letter) an agreement or treaty between warring or antagonistic nations, groups, etc., to end hostilities and abstain from further fighting or antagonism: the Peace of Ryswick.
3. a state of mutual harmony between people or groups, esp. in personal relations: Try to live in peace with your neighbors.

This is what has to say on peace (the first three meanings).

I would dare guess that Nobel Peace prize would be awarded for improving condition 1, 2 or 3.

Lets analyze each of them.

Meaning 1 : the normal, nonwarring condition of a nation, group of nations, or the world

OOOPS cant mean this! War is a permanent condition. Friends today, partner tomorrow at War day after!!

Meaning 2: (often initial capital letter) an agreement or treaty between warring or antagonistic nations, groups, etc., to end hostilities and abstain from further fighting or antagonism: the Peace of Ryswick.

Agreement or treaty, hmmmmmmm, let me think, nope cannot be this. End to hostilities, hmmmmmmm not this one! Abstain from further fighting - Ha ha ha ha ha, You must be joking how will our people eat if we dont fight. So cant be 2. 3 it must be

Meaning 3: a state of mutual harmony between people or groups, esp. in personal relations: Try to live in peace with your neighbors. aaaah! that must be it Mexico and Canada live in a state of perpetual bliss and in harmony with the US.


Till now I believed wiping clean the posterior of an influential person using your tongue was a corporate phenomenon. Didn't realise the eminent Nobel Panel loved this famous sport. Practiced by many of my betters.

Dont get me wrong, am not a Obama hater or a US hater. But, come on..... Let that guy be in office for a couple of years then give it to him, maintain decencies. The guy was in office for what 3 weeks before he was nominated!!!!

Remember Gorgons whose looks could kill,Corollary, Obama whose talk brings peace. Platinum Tongue, anyone! No more forked tongues, A solidly fused tongue is in vogue.

Hear Ye, permit Obama to talk nonstop for 365 days and we will have world peace.

Bloody hell give it any of the various Miss World`s, Miss Universe`s and others they always talk World Peace. Atleast they wont Justify War while receiving the Peace Prize!

P.S : There Goes my chances of a US Visa

P.P.S If I go missing look for me at Guantanamo Bay.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

How Chetan Bhagat Stole my story!

I just finished reading 2 States and I am seething with Indignation!

Before Chetan Bhagat, Rupa&Co and assorted others run off to sue me. Let me assure you all that I am worth peanuts, those too bad quality peanuts. Let me present my case and then we shall get the guys in coats and collars involved.

Oh! There are a few questions you want me answer. Most willingly.

As they show in movies I have my hand over a convenient holy book and swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but truth, oh and answer your questions also.

Q: Do you know Chetan Bhagat
A: Yes I do

Q: How do you know him?
A: I have read all of his books (Liked them and re read them) and I know him as the author and have seen his photographs in book covers and newspapers.

Q: Does Chetan Bhagat Know you
A: I don’t think so

Q:Have you Met CB.
A: Nope, not at all. Don’t even think we have been near each other.

Q: (In perplexed tone) Have you both ever corresponded, letters, emails, phone calls
A: Oh you mean like that guy who attempted suicide in his book. No not at all

Q: Do you think CB or some one employed by him burgled your house or hacked your computer
A: Why are you asking this? My complaint was he stole my story not stole jewellery from the house (said for local effect, more like used kitchen utensils) or hacked my bank passwords (He! He! He! let any one try that bank will ask him to pay past dues and then log out.)

Stern Warning issued! No jokes answer to the question

Q: Where have you kept the draft of the story
A: What draft

Q: Of the story you wrote:
A: I didn’t write any story

Q: (In exasperation) You are the one who claimed CB stole your story!
A: Oh that! If your questions are over I will explain. Please do not interrupt my flow.

My story begins ....

Anand sits on the sea face Opposite Air India Building, Nariman Point, Mumbai. The sea is rough with incoming rain clouds and matching the turmoil in his head. He has no idea how he reached there, in his hands a letter from Pooja telling him that she is no more his. She is walking away from their 5 years as both of them are not able to get parental consent for their marriage. Its better they both suffer pain rather than allow their parents to suffer the pain.

Anand was going mad with pain and grief, he was finding it difficult to breathe. Does he walk into the sea, is the train better, and is there a faster quicker way. He doesn’t know. Only thing he feels is pain, searing pain through each of his nerve cells as if each and every nerve is on fire.

Somehow, he finds his way to a cab and mumbles airport. Mahalaksmi. Haji Ali, Worli, Mahim all passed un noticed. The cabbies worried eyes kept darting to the rear view mirror. “Saab, Kuch bad news milla. Gaon jaa rahe ho?” Mumbled response the cabby leaves him to his grief till the airport. Anand had to be helped out by the driver, the girl and the ticketing counter asked where without the usual smile. Bangalore, Mumbled Anand. Got a Rs. 4000.00 one way ticket paid on the credit card. How will he pay it back with salary of Rs. 7000 per month never crosses his mind.

The flight was boarding and the plane was virtually empty. As the doors closed and the stewardess walked with a dazzling smile, he was transported back ....

She walked in a bright colorful clothes, to be more precise her smile walked in and without realizing he looses his heart to her. She notices him smiles and sits a few seats away. That was how Pooja arguably the best looking girl and Anand unarguably the worst looking dude of the class of 94 met.

This is how my story begins and goes on about their love. How every one else but they recognize it, but as they do not recognize it every one accepts them for what they always were and always will be True Friends. My story had reached their marriage but I did not have nice ending worked out.

Now look at 2 states

Krish is with a shrink. In desperation as Ananya says they cannot be together ever. The story moves to a flash black with the canteen scene. And then how they get married and all obstacles in between.

See the similarity!

This is not all my story has a friends marriage happening instead of a cousins. There are sections/chapters on studying together, going to Pondicherry, the expensive STD bills, everything is there. Including the desperation to not elope but get parental consent from both sides.

To top it all Anand and Pooja were MBA students.

Now tell me, isn’t my story line very very similar to 2 States. And this really takes the cake, CB says 2 states is inspired by his life and My story is loosely based on mine!

Now do you believe me, when I say,” Chetan Bhagat Stole my story."

I Rest my case

The only problem here is this story was never written down; it was and is there in my head. I have it chapter wise and scene wise sorted and kept ready. How did CB get it from there is the great mystery.

This is not the first time it is happening to me all my ideas are regularly stolen from me. Sigh! I am the world most wronged against person! Double Sigh!

CB what was the name of the shrink in Chennai. Maybe a beautiful shrink is what I need!

Note: This is not intended to cast any doubt on the originality of 2 States. I do not claim in my wildest dreams that 2 States was plagiarized in any form from any where.

I have read 2 states, it is very very interesting and funny. As usual CB has produced a neat and enjoyable best seller.

What my story did not have was a great ending, if I ever publish my story the ending will draw creative inspiration from 2 states.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Diwali Blues

After Diwali is what I am
Burnt paper and metal ends lying in a heap
Sweep them and set fire to them
Bits of sparklers come to life
Ghosts of what they were!

Ghosts they remain
Awaiting Rama`s return
Lakshmi`s Glory or Krishna`s Triumph
To burst again in all splendour
As a thousand dazzling suns in heaven

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Bhartiya Nari

Self was stranded at a railway station late at night awaiting TOW and SnH, for newbies The Other Woman and Son & Heir, when I witnessed this drama. This one act play left me with emotions which did not make sense was I angry, sad, bewildered, bemused. I do not Know. What should have I done or what could I do. I do not Know.You tell me!

A lady was sitting on the platform, with a very dirty bundle. A TTE speaks to her, maybe asking her ticket or telling her no begging allowed or what ever. The TTE was not shouting nor did his body language appear to be threatening.

Enter left center, typical drunk, clothes face and hair in disarray and dirty and smelling like a particularly evil distillery.

Drunk: (Shouting) Sir, Is this daughter of a W***e, disturbing you.

TTE ignoring him addresses the woman (not unkindly) and moves away.

Drunk: Putting his face close to the lady and still shouting hoarsely and slurring words. Daughter of a B***h how dare you talk to a man, when your husband is not here.

The scene has the undivided attention of Platforms 3 and 4 and some curious fellows from Platform 2.

Drunk: Goes on to berate the woman on virtues of a good wife and asks her to open the bundle and show everyone that she has not been stealing.

(No One the TTE included accused her of being a thief). The lady keeps looking down on the platform floor not responding. The drunk lifts his hand to strike her again demanding she open the bundle, calling her various animal names and talking about her body parts and her character. Finally the lady opens her bundle to display her wares, I could see onlookers craning necks to see, what is there. The Drunk abuses her more and walks away.

WHY WHY WHY did the lady stay so silent and subdued never raising her head never protesting the verbal abuse. Is it because she felt the man is the best she can get. If yes, how did she become like that. What circumstances drove her to be a fatalist. In between where did she loose her sense of self. WHO was the drunk? her husband? her brother? her only male relative?

HOW could people including me stand sit listen to this tirade. Have we lost our will to respond, where is the so called sense of chivalry. Would it have been a different reaction if the lady was young and glamorous?

I do not know. And what morbid need are we satisfying by staring into the open bundle of harassed insulted lady.

Was she a Bhartiya Nari, the epitome of Indian womanhood?

P.S I began by referring to the lady as woman, but her quite dignity in spite of all she faced made me go back and change every woman to lady. For to me she was a lady i will give her that respect. At least in cyber world she should get the respect which fate snatched from her in the real world.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Online In Your Face

An organisation had a problem with google Search. In the first page of result there is one entry which reads , "XYZ Company is very Bad for you". Employees who hold the company dear to their hearts started bombarding the Leadership team with mails. Get it off, how can google search put a bad listing about us!!. And each of them clicked on the link multiple times to read it again and again as they could not believe their eyes. Passed it on to colleagues, past colleagues etc etc. More and more people went click, click, click listing rose till it became number two on the search listing.

Now Top Honcho`s woke up. Marketing! the scream rang out, get it off google NOW!

Marketing gave a bewildered look and said,"you can`t get it off".

Eyebrows reach non existent hairlines," why" comes out as a growl. Call Google and ask them to take it off. Legal! can we sue them.

This or similar scenarios may have been enacted not just in XYZ company but in many more organisations without any size/turnover limitations. Most organisations approach online media in the exact same manner as they would traditional media. This is the beginning of their end. Online is the exact opposite to traditional.

Traditional media is static Online is dynamic.
Content control rests with editors (with personal interests?), who put up stuff for others to read. Online Readers decide what is most popular absolute control rests with them.

Now lets look at what happens at XYZ.

Marketing gets back to a hassled CEO with the following points.

The said search listing points to a discussion group.
There were a total of three people in the ddiscussion, including the person who started the thread.
Total number of comments is three.
The last listing is over 450 days old, that is nearly 15 months old.

Smart CEO does the math and says, "hey! then it is not a popular site. But, doesnt google give you the most relevant and important sites. How come it is at rank 2. Take it off, please, call US, UK, Moon, Uranus wherever.

Appraisal time is near so marketing puts on oily sweet smile gulps excess saliva and starts....

Yes, Its not a popular site. No google doesn`t list the best sites, it lists as per search word/phrase relevance, number of people visiting the site. AND number of clicks which happen when people search for a particular string. Meaning when people search XYZ when the offending link comes up if more people click on said link, it rises up the listing.

CEO has become CEO coz he is smart and not just from Ancestral property. Bulb glows immediately, "you mean to say when each of our 1500 employees click on offending link, it goes up the listing. Google assumes that`s the most relevant result. How do we stop it".

Well, Its not just 1500 employees which has caused this. But, yes, they have contributed to it.

Online is what economists called free market, the dynamics are decided by the market forces, here the Online users. The users decide whom to read and what to say on what they read, influencing newer readers. No control works here but yes intelligence and understanding of the media will help.

Marketing rests case, leaves a pensive CEO and disapparates with out a crack!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Ubiquitous Nonsense

Being an average human being I have a very high regard for myself. So, I think, at least in private, that I am supremely gifted and unique in my thinking! Hence was under the impression that my blogs name is unique.

Did a bit of ego surfing and guess what there were tons of nonsense blogs on the web. WOW! Plagiarism at its height! Folks, people copy my ideas so well that they copy it even before the original idea comes in my head. These guys can make a great living creating question papers for board exams! March Biology paper available in February!

"Nonsense blogs" are there everywhere. Only forms vary, some have spaces, other have hyphens added, still others have it suffixed or prefixed somewhere. Some of them have got awards for dishing out awful nonsense, excellent nonsense, consistent nonsense etc. Now I cannot be the only nonsense blogger to win an award.

I wish I was born a few centuries earlier. There were lots of things to do then. For e.g., you could discover America or reach somewhere else believe it to be America and claim you discovered it. Discover the North or South Pole, the solar system etc etc sigh! Now all the easy things have been discovered! You cannot even loose the love of a good woman and go into deepest Africa. You are bound to run into terrorists, civil war guerilla’s, pirates and others!

You still don’t believe me! Ok! We shall solve that, look at the periodic table. The early scientists discovered simple names like Oxygen, Hydrogen, Iron, Gold etc. The later scientist’s poor guys had to discover such difficult things like gadolinium, ytterbium, neodymium etc. WHY because all the others were taken. So and so they had to start a back benchers section in the Periodic Table

Now you begin to believe!

My only hope now is in the next century when they compile a list of the TOP 100 Nonsense Blogs, I will feature there prominently.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Myth, Mythology,reality

The Yeti or Abominable Snowman is a mythical ape-like creature rumored to inhabit the Himalayas, and I have a pet theory on the yeti.

Hindu Mythology lists out seven Chiranjreevi`s ( loosely translated as they who never face death), if I am not mistaken there is a sloka in The Bhagavatha which lists all of them. Hanuman is the most famous among them.

The theory formulated in my mind when I was telling SnH (Son and Heir) stories of Hanuman. Incidentally, Hanuman occupies second place only to Ben10 during story time and is a clear first during prayer times, leaving Durga the nearest competitor far behind. Durga has gained considerable ground after his bout of Chicken Pox, when we told him of the Hindu connection between Goddess Durga and Chicken Pox. Wait I am digressing SnH and his varied interests will have to wait.

Hanuman was blessed with immortality and last the Purana`s say about him is he spends time meditating on His God and Lord Sri Ram. The Puranas also mention Hanuman as Siva`s reincarnation. Wouldn`t it be natural for a reincarnation of Siva to meditate for eternity in the Himalayas. Hanuman as a Vanar would obviously have ape like features. (Does Vanar really mean monkey? or was it a reference to simian featured human beings, anthropods or early cave me?)

Now, if Hanuman spends his time on prayer in the Himalayas would he not want to stay away from all human contact.After all as the Scriptures say every avatar is for that period, He belongs to a diffrent yuga a different era.

The YETI sightings are HANUMAN Sightings. The YETI IS HANUMAN!

The Yeti has stayed away from Humans, there is no known damage caused by Yeti to either Human`s or Animals.

I strongly believe that the Yeti is Chiranjeevi Hanuman.

As time passes Reality turns to myth and folklore and eventually myth and folklore gets absorbed in mythology.

What do you think?

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

The Wailing Sheet at Work

Wikipedia has the following to say about the wailing wall. "The Western Wall (Hebrew: הכותל המערבי‎, translit.: HaKotel HaMa'aravi) (Arabic: حائط البراق‎, translit.: Ḥā'iṭ Al-Burāq), sometimes referred to as the Wailing Wall or simply the Kotel (lit. Wall; Ashkenazic pronunciation: Kosel), and as al-Buraaq Wall by Muslims, is an important Jewish religious site located in the Old City of Jerusalem".

The wall has a time honoured tradition of placing small chits which are prayers to God. The very strong belief being those prayers are answered, the requests fulfilled. There are people who believe that you place the prayer and it will be answered.

We in our office have an equivalent, I call it the wailing sheet. It stems from a belief my boss has, that if you put anything on an excel sheet it will be done. His panacea for all problems is create an excel sheet and put the plan in, minor things like budget, schedules, staff strength etc will be delivered.

How, what, where, when are minor irritants.

Is Bill gates the reincarnation of Herod the great ? (Herod the great build the Wailing wall Bill gates created excel. Duh! Ok Ok his company created excel for that matter Herods slaves build the Wall!) Herod as any one who knows his Bible will say is one very bad dude.

Now how does that sound to folks who compare Bill Gates to the devil!

Simmer in that Conspiracy Theorists!

Monday, August 31, 2009


Everyone has a reason to be. The old "I think therefore I am" is passe.

Its Now "I blog therefore I am".

I definitely am, so I decided to blog so that I conform to standards. The fact is in all aspects I am a conformist, even-though everyone who knows me say I am a non conformist in a conformist`s clothing. Confusing isn`t it? If this is confusing for you what about poor old me who has to live this role!

Now that brings me to what do I blog about. Lets do a reality check

Question to self : Are you an Amitabh Bachan or equivalent?
Answer (From deep within) : No! ergo, millions will not wait eagerly for your posts and millions will not be paid to you by any blog host to carry your blog.
Popping noise in background of dream busting.

Question to self: Do you have anything interesting to write/convey/communicate?

Answer: Hmmm, Ahem, deep frown so that permanent creases form, news? views, science, physics oh metaphysics. shake of head baser stuff again shake hmmm . Actually nothing!
(That`s how the name came about NONSENSE is sophisticated nothing!)

Question: Then why do you need a blog??

Answer: Everyone has one, some have two so I also should have one. And ...... (furtive glance left, furtive glance right) Have heard .... people publish their blogs and make millions. Always wanted to retire early the millions will help. Oh yes they will help

So what shall i write about? The initial plan in order to get to the millions asap was to have 5 blogs. You may ask why 5. After a deep chuckle, because that was the number which came to my mind. What will each of them they say:

  1. Work place dark humour
  2. Family
  3. Reasons why you should be married
  4. Reasons why one should never marry
  5. Marketing (am a marketing professional)
See, that was so easy. Now you know why I chose 5, my subconscious mind always knew it.

Problemo Uno: Who will write all these blogs. Approached The other Woman (Hereinafter referred to as ToW), why dont you write, you write extremely well. In fact I do n t know what attaracted me first your face or your writing, and you are anyway going to benefit from the millions. Withering look hit me in between the eyes. Years of practice had me ready, I rolled with the look. Yep exactly like Neo after he knew he was THE ONE. Behind me I could hear the wall crack!
Oh! BTW ToW is actually the only one but I like to keep her on her toes. When she is referred to as the Other Woman, she aspires to be The Woman, so she puts her heart and mind in the Job!

Who else, who else ... thought of starting a ghost writing syndicate, but could not find volunteer writers who will wait for payment till I earn my millions. Between you and me a few of the prospective ghost writers laughed in my face!!

Due to a decent upbringing, cannot steal from other blogs, books, magazines (Should have a chat with my mother on why she taught me all the wrong things) .

So Penta blog ideas was cut into one unique NONSENSE Blog and here I am and there you are.

As my Son and Heir (Hereinafter referred to as SnH) would say Tantaraing! Here is the first Post. (Yep those Kaminey`s ftole the words from his mouth).